Dad

Dad.

Isn't it crazy to think that for me that word has only applied to one person for the past 27 years? It's not like "ambitious" or "kind" which can apply to multiple people throughout life. One word, for one man.

It's even crazier to believe that, in 6 months, that word will now apply to me for the rest of my life.

Becoming someone's husband wasn't that hard. Life didn't suddenly change the second we became husband and wife. We continued loving each other, caring for each other, joking with each other, and simply being there for each other. I am someone's husband and it isn't that hard to say that.

Dad is different. 

I barely feel like I have enough control over my life and now suddenly I'm going to have control of two lives. I know how to cook about 5 meals on rotation. I lose my stuff all the time. I have a calendar with all our events written down and I still forget about them. Even right now, while writing this, I forgot to move the laundry to the dryer.

My point is, when will I feel ready? Will I ever feel ready? Is anyone ever ready?

I'm going to assume to the answer to those questions are: Never, No, and No.

I don't think anyone is ever ready for a baby. I think people can pretend to be ready. They can buy all the newest baby products, paint the nursery, pick out names, and whatever else makes someone look "ready." At the end of the day, however, I don't believe doing any of those things makes someone ready.

This baby is going to be born and I am still going to forget to move the laundry. This baby will be born and I will probably forget even more events on the calendar. This baby will come and I will feel even more lost in adult life than I do now.

...and you know what?

That is OK. 

I will be here, for the next 6 months, trying to be ready, but knowing deep down that nothing will ever prepare me for what is about to come. No stress will prepare me for the amount of stress to come. No anxiety will prepare me for the amount of anxiety to come. No sleep now will prepare me or the lack of sleep to come. Most importantly, no happiness now will prepare me for the amount of happiness to come.

After this 6 months are up, I will continue to be here for many, many more. I will be making constant changes and adjustments to everything I do.

The baby doesn't need me to be ready. The baby just needs me to be dad.